Slow Living Mindset (Before You  Simplify)

I think there is a common misconception that in order to practice slow living you have to move out to a little home in the country and raise chickens and grow your vegetables or that you need to settle into a little cabin in the woods and bake all your own bread, or maybe even sell everything you own, take off in a little camper van and live super simply. Well none of these apply to me, but I have managed to crack the code on slow living. I’m going to share with you here three secrets to slow living that no one tells you about, but that I’ve found to be absolutely essential to living a slower life. These all apply no matter where you live and no matter how busy you currently find yourself. 

A number of years ago, I left a well-paid corporate job. I was burned out, completely over it and I decided I wanted to quit and start up a small business. So I began creating and selling wellness journals. The plan was that with my new found time freedom I would also make my health a priority and find at least a little more time to start enjoying life again. Three years in, I realized that I still wasn’t taking the time to take care of myself–at least not as well as I wanted to and I still wasn’t spending the time with family that I wanted, not to mention carving out the time I wanted for other things that I enjoy. I was just way too busy, hurrying all the time, and continuing to crave a slower lifestyle. I decided that I really did want this to change. 

There were some things I needed to do differently to create space in my life, and this is what most people will share about when it comes to slow living, but I’ve come to realize that there were actually three mindset shifts that had to come first. I’ve also realized that I had to make all three of these shifts before things started to change. These are the true secrets to slow living.

#1. Focus on the Long View

Let me explain. I think most of us at some point get caught up in the societal expectations of what constitutes a good day. We start to measure our days in terms of what we accomplished and how much we got done. When this happens, we begin to miss the mark on what really is important, particularly when you zoom out to assess your life from the perspective of a full lifetime. I think a very useful question to ask yourself is, at the end of my life, which will be more important to me? To be able to say, “You know, I accomplished a lot in this lifetime.” or “Wow, I really enjoyed this life.” 

I think we want both, but for a very long time, I tipped the balance of my life through my daily actions toward getting things done. This took a heavy toll on my health and relationships– ironically the two things I value the most. These days, however, I’ve flipped in the opposite direction. I may not get as much work done in a day, but I’m okay with that. I’m healthier and happier and my time is aligned with what is truly important to me.

If you had asked me ten years ago what I valued most, I would have told you my health and my family, but knowing that didn’t give me the resolve I needed to make the changes I needed to put these things first. I had to think about what I wanted for my full lifetime and this caused me to realize that I couldn’t keep putting off my health and the people I cared about.

I do realize that many people don’t have the luxury of being able to choose how much they work. There was a good part of my life that I didn’t have this luxury and it was hard, but there may come a point in your own life when you are able to step back and ask yourself, "What do I really value for this lifetime and am I spending my days in a way that aligns with these values?"  What do you really need to live comfortably?  What’s enough?

To be successful at slow living, you may have to remind yourself of what you really want for your lifetime more than once. I’m a couple of years into my own version of slow living and I still have to remind myself of this from time to time–probably because I was so used to being on the productivity wheel that my brain would default to measuring my time in terms of accomplishments instead of enjoyment. This brings me to the 2nd mindset secret of slow living. 

2. Make Loving Life a Priority

What if, instead of asking yourself at the end of each day, “How much did I get accomplished today?”, you asked yourself, “How much did I enjoy this day?” When you change your focus in this way, you begin to be okay with doing things differently. You allow yourself more moments to stop and soak in the enjoyment of what you are doing. You feel less guilt when you don’t mark everything off your to-do list. You start allowing yourself to love living your life.

#3 Stop Waiting for Life to Slow Down

Lately, I’ve noticed that I keep hearing a very common theme with the people I coach, as well as people I talk to who express an interest in slowing down. People keep telling me that they are waiting for things to slow down. They talk about waiting for a project to end. Or to get these kids graduated. Or until they are able to retire. 

There is a long list of things that people are waiting to get through before life slows down enough for them to be able to take the time to get healthy or do some of the things that they really enjoy doing–the fun things. It all boils down to this. Most people expect that life is going to slow down at some point and then they will be able to start enjoying life more along the way.

Here’s the thing–life doesn’t magically slow down someday in the future. There is never going to be a time where life slows down enough for you–unless maybe you are forced to slow down maybe because of health reasons or you get laid off from your job. And of course nobody wants life to quickly and unexpectedly change in that way.

The reality is that when one project ends another takes its place, Before the kids have fully left the nest, you slowly begin signing up for more things that occupy your time. You may be so used to having a full schedule that when you retire it miraculously stays full because you offered to watch the grandkids in the afternoons, you volunteer a few weekday mornings and then you check in on your parents or a friend that needs support on the other days. You remain comfortable in the cycle you are used to–waiting for life to slow down.

You have to physically and mentally create space in your life to live more slowly and to do all the things you want to do. You literally have to set aside a good block of time to create a new slower lifestyle for yourself. 

Reasons Life is Too Busy

I see two main causes of life magically filling up. First, most people are overly optimistic about how much time they will have in the future. So they agree to do things in the future that they probably wouldn’t agree to do today.

The other thing that I frequently see happening is that people have orchestrated a good deal of complexity and accumulated a good deal of stuff that requires time to maintain. More simplicity is needed in both cases and you have to want this slower lifestyle enough to make time to create this simplicity. 

If you’ve been struggling to slow down or simply wanting to, I hope you find these mindset shifts helpful. If you feel that you need a little more guidance, I have a twelve week program devoted to helping you address everything that is needed to slow down your life. The program is broken down into three main steps–getting clarity on your values, purpose and vision of your next chapter in life, ensuring your beliefs support the lifestyle you want and implementing the SMART living methodology so that you have habits, routines and other tools to support a slower and more intentional lifestyle. If this sounds like something of interest to you, here is the link where you can book a 30 minute discovery call with me to see if we would be a good fit to work together.