My Journey To Creating A Soft Life For Retirement Through Slow Living And Intentional Choices

(Updated Transcript of Julie's YouTube video)

Have you thought about your retirement plans and what you want your life to look and feel like at this stage of your life? Or maybe you’re already retired and unfortunately, it's not quite living up to your expectations.

Either way, this video is for you.

I know that many people come out of the workforce, myself included, so accustomed to working hard for years, so much so that they struggle to create a lifestyle that prioritizes comfort, relaxation, and enjoyment of their life. In fact, I've known people who have struggled so much with this, that they ended up eventually going back to work part-time. I find this a bit heartbreaking. 

So if you are getting ready to retire, I personally think that after so many years of working so hard and caring for everyone else, whether it's children or your work responsibilities etc., it's your turn.

How do you design and create a new low-stress life for yourself in a way that allows you to slow down and truly savor and enjoy it? I believe the answer to this is a lifestyle redesign in the form of a SOFT LIFE.

There is so much about the sound of these two words “Soft Life” that really appeals to me. I have my own perspective on what it means to live a soft life and how to go about creating this and that is what the topic of today's video is all about.

You’ll see how I am moving towards practicing living a soft life now, as I look forward to my own retirement years. We’ll also talk about how you too, can go about creating this for yourself.

SOFT LIFE, doesn’t it sound good? I think so!

What is a Soft Life?

First, let's turn to the definition of a soft life and where this concept emerged from. It kind of surprised me. When I checked Urban Dictionary, it defines a Soft Life as the act of simply living a life with less stress,  worry, and concern–making better decisions that benefit your overall well-being. 

I also think it’s important to give credit to where the concept of Soft Life actually came from. It was introduced by a group of Nigerian influencers on social media. They were inviting people to imagine what it would be like to allow more softness and more comfort into their lives. 

It's an act of Afro-futurism and it involves visualizing the ways that life can be different–even wildly different in a better way. I read a little article on Linkedin by Yoli Maya Yay about this and she says “In this case, we are talking about life-designed wealth accumulation, pleasure and the possibility of breaking ancestral curses around the "work-to-die" model and the inheritance of slavery.”

Soft Life is a reaction against the strong black woman ideology and encourages black women to live lives that are centered around comfort, ease, and joy. While obviously I'm not a black woman, I really find this description to be beautiful and an aspiration of a great way to live and I intend to create my own soon-to-be-retired life with this in mind.

To me, a soft life feels like a softer schedule, a soft relationship with my body, softer expectations for myself, a softer pace, and a physically softer environment. Let’s talk about all of these and how you can move toward them in your life today.

A Softer Schedule

A softer schedule is probably a very good place for us to begin. Simply choosing to schedule less appointments and things that you have to do at a certain time, or on a certain day, is a great place to start. This doesn't mean that you can't be active and get out and do a whole lot of things.

What I mean, is allowing space in your schedule, space so that you can be flexible, that you can linger longer when you run into a friend or you can stop in and wander around a place that looks interesting without having to worry about getting to your next scheduled appointment. 

I have one friend who is retired who often is just simply exhausted and feels overwhelmed by all the volunteering work that she has committed herself to doing. Retirement is a great time to be able to find fulfillment by giving back by volunteering, but I don't think you have to fill up your days when you retire. 

When you have a softer schedule it's going to allow you more time to be mindful and curious. For example, when you're taking a walk, even though it might be that you're intent on getting your steps in, when you're actually walking, you can let go of this goal. Then you intentionally open yourself up to being curious along the way. Maybe you stop and you look at anything that looks interesting or you pick up a leaf and you examine it closely or you breathe in deeply. Think about how good that feels. 

Having a softer schedule means consciously putting less on your daily to-do list, so that there's plenty of time to fully enjoy whatever it is you're doing. 

A good example of this was my morning. I had decided that I wanted to give my face and my hair a little extra nurturing with a mask because both felt really dry and because I enjoyed doing some DIY. Since I hadn't overloaded my to-do list, I sat down and thumbed through some old Willow and Sage publications that I have to find some inspiration.

I ended up deciding to do a little facial steam first with some dead sea salts, dried mint, lemongrass etc. It was really nice. It opened up the pores in my face before my face mask and by the time I got out of my shower my skin felt so good. I know I wouldn't have done this if my to-do list had been quite full, because I'd have been more concerned about marking things off the list.

So, I got out of the shower and my skin felt good and I felt really nurtured and nourished and that compelled me to do some nourishing on the inside too.  I made myself a melon smoothie which is one of my favorite healthy summer drinks (simply melon in the blender with a little lime and a tiny bit of mint).  Having a softer schedule, it can really open you up to having a beautiful day. 

If having a softer schedule feels like something that is easier said than done, especially if you're working full-time or you're caring for a family right now, it might be a really good idea to ask yourself what your definition of self worth is. Does that concept of self-worth for you includes a component of how busy you are in your life? For many people, this is the case. I challenge you to really think about this question, as your brain may want to tell you that's not the case. Regardless, let me emphasize, how busy you are does not define your self-worth. 

When I posed this question in my community, The Art of Intentional Living, I got some really great responses there. One person said, "It's the heart and the intent behind what you do and how you feel when all is said and done."  Another said that her self-worth is "defined by how much kindness and compassion she shows others in her day." I just love these. We have had some wise, wonderful women in my community. If you're looking for something like this and you'd like to connect to others that are on a journey to being more intentional with their lives, here is the link to my community.

Softer Relationship

I am also beginning to practice a softer relationship with my body

• More care,
• More nurturing ,
• Lovingly massaging in the moisturizer, as opposed to thinking of it as just another task that I need to do, 
• More days without makeup and getting used to how I look without it and
• Intentionally smiling at my aging face in the mirror.

I'm also practicing listening to my body more when it comes to eating. In particular, for me, it's really hard sometimes to distinguish whether it's my body telling me that it wants a snack or whether it's my mind telling me that it does, because I was a big snacker for many, many years. 

I am doing a better job getting more used to tuning in to when I've eaten enough and when I'm full and that's something I didn't used to be good at all. I will say, that this is probably one of the most helpful things, that I did to start heal my gut. I highly recommend it. 

Also, when I'm not feeling good or my mood isn't positive, I'm practicing holding myself in a place of more self-compassion. I used to just chalk up bad days to, "it's just going to be a bad day, I'm going to be in a bad mood the rest of the day, and that's just the way it is." I would wallow in it. Now I'm trying to add a bit more understanding, while still allowing myself to feel whatever it is I'm feeling emotionally and whatever it is I'm experiencing.

Softer Living

Softer living also feels like slowing down earlier at the end of the day. Leaving space for softer, more relaxing activities in the evening like reading, journaling, and watching something on TV that leaves me feeling good afterward.

I'm also doing better going to bed when I feel tired, even if it might be a little earlier than my normal bedtime. I've found this to be very wise advice–lean in when you're tired rather than trying to get a second wind. Go ahead and relax. 

Softer Expectations for Yourself

Softer expectations for yourself doesn’t mean that you need to give up on challenging goals, or big dreams.  I'm becoming okay with things taking longer to accomplish and trying to focus more on enjoying the journey toward the goal.

And when I feel like I don't get everything done on the to-do list that I've made for myself for the day, rather than trying to jam one more thing in at the end of the day like I used to, instead, I'm asking myself how important is it that this task gets done today. Most of the time, things can wait until tomorrow or the next day.

That means I'm not accomplishing nearly as much from a quantitative standpoint as I used to. But, I've noticed the quality of my ideas and how many ideas I get has increased and they're more creative and I'm happier and healthier. I feel really good knowing that I am truly allowing myself to enjoy my days.

Softer Pace

So this leads right into a softer pace–physically not being in a hurry. For so much of my life, I used to walk fast, drive fast, eat fast. I did everything fast. And I've been working on slowing all of these down to have a softer, gentler pace. I'm doing things now, that I didn't before, because I never felt like I had enough time to do them–things that are slower activities– things like making sourdough, which takes you more than a day, or making yogurt. I'm having fun with those.

I remind myself too, to slow down when I'm visiting with my mother, siblings or friends or spending time with Curt on the weekend–this is a place that I still very much am working on–really just listening more deeply and patiently. 

Soft Environment

Lastly, softer environment reminds me of hygge, especially soft lighting, and candles, which I love. It also feels like soft clothes, silky sheets, and soft throws. When it comes to dressing up, I got rid of all my high heels several years ago. It's not that I don't like to look good, but I'm not going to do that at the expense of comfort now. 

To sum it all up, you can create a softer life as you ease into retirement by focusing on these five areas: a softer schedule, a softer relationship with your body, softer expectations for yourself, a softer pace, and a physically softer environment.

I hope you have found this helpful to you in some way. I’d love to hear about your all retirement goals and strategies for what you want do in retirement in the comments. And if you have enjoyed this, you may also be interested in watching, How to Transform Your Life into Slow Living.